One of my favourite parts of working therapeutically with children is seeing something we have discussed in a session suddenly become theirs.
Recently, a 12-year-old young person with ADHD who has been working with Prior Mindset completed a home task about developing a coping statement. He came back with this:
Practice makes progress, and mistakes lead to learning opportunities.
Shared with parent and carer consent, and with permission to discuss his therapeutic progress anonymously.
It is a simple sentence, but psychologically there is rather a lot happening underneath it.
Did I tear up when I saw it? Absolutely. I feel incredibly lucky to do a job where I get to witness moments of progress like this, and it remains one of the most rewarding parts of my work.
ADHD, perfectionism and emotional regulation in children
When this young person first came to Prior Mindset, his ADHD was affecting several areas of everyday life. He experienced difficulties with sleep and emotional regulation, and could find perfectionism and making mistakes particularly challenging.
He is now doing exceptionally well.
Importantly, that does not mean he has somehow stopped having ADHD or never experiences difficult emotions. Progress has meant developing strategies, understanding himself better and becoming increasingly able to use those skills independently.
And that distinction matters. Good therapy should not create children who need their therapist beside them whenever something difficult happens. We want young people gradually to become their own therapist, recognising what is happening and choosing strategies that help.
Why can mistakes feel so difficult for some children with ADHD?
ADHD is about considerably more than concentration. Some children with ADHD also experience difficulties regulating strong emotions, managing frustration, pausing before responding and recovering when something has not gone according to plan.
Research has identified emotional dysregulation as an important difficulty for a proportion of children with ADHD, and psychosocial interventions can help children develop skills for managing emotions and behaviour.
Add perfectionistic thinking, and a small mistake can suddenly feel enormous.
A child may think:
- I have to get this right.
- If I make a mistake, I have failed.
- Everyone else can do this.
This can create a cycle of high standards, fear of mistakes, anxiety or frustration, avoidance, and then an even greater fear of getting things wrong next time.
Perfectionism itself is not an anxiety disorder, but perfectionistic thinking can be closely associated with anxiety and emotional distress.
From “I have to get it right” to “practice makes progress”
This is where the home task becomes rather clever. Instead of demanding perfection from himself, he has developed an alternative:
Practice makes progress.
And instead of interpreting mistakes as evidence that he cannot do something:
Mistakes lead to learning opportunities.
In CBT, we help young people notice unhelpful patterns of thinking and develop more balanced ways of responding. A good coping statement is not about pretending everything is wonderful. It should be:
- personal
- believable
- memorable
- easy to use
- practised repeatedly
The aim is not positive thinking. It is flexible thinking.
ADHD and sleep matter too
Sleep deserves particular attention in children with ADHD. A recent systematic review and meta-analysis found significant sleep differences in children with ADHD across several measures. NICE also recommends that ADHD treatment plans consider the impact of sleep on everyday functioning.
Tiredness can make attention, frustration tolerance and emotional regulation harder for any child. For a young person already working hard to regulate attention and emotions, protecting sleep can therefore become an important part of the wider picture.
This is why effective ADHD support should look at the whole child, rather than treating one symptom in isolation.
What can parents practise at home?
There are some beautifully simple ways parents can reinforce this type of work.
Praise effort and strategy, rather than only praising successful outcomes.
Let your child see you make mistakes. More importantly, let them see what you do afterwards.
Try replacing “why did you get that wrong?” with “what did we learn from that?”
And encourage your child to create their own coping statement. Children are considerably more likely to connect with language that belongs to them than with something an adult has lovingly manufactured on their behalf and laminated.
How Prior Mindset supports children with ADHD
At Prior Mindset, we take a neurodiversity-affirming approach to supporting children and young people with ADHD. Support can include:
- CBT
- emotional regulation strategies
- anxiety and perfectionism work
- executive functioning support
- sleep strategies
- parent support
- school consultation
- SEND and EHCP support
- neurodiversity coaching
NICE recommends that ADHD care is comprehensive, and that it considers psychological, behavioural, educational and environmental needs alongside the young person’s individual strengths and goals. That is very much the philosophy behind our work.
This young person’s coping statement captures it better than a textbook probably could.
Practice makes progress. Not perfection. Progress.
And mistakes? They are information about what we practise next.
If you are looking for a therapist for your child or for yourself, our guide on how to find an ADHD therapist walks through what to look for and what to ask.
Frequently asked questions
Is perfectionism common in children with ADHD?
Some children with ADHD experience perfectionistic thinking, anxiety about mistakes or strong emotional reactions when things do not go as planned. However, this is not experienced by every child with ADHD, and perfectionism itself is not an ADHD diagnostic criterion.
How can I help my ADHD child with emotional regulation?
Strategies may include helping children identify emotions and triggers, modelling calm responses, developing coping statements, supporting problem-solving, establishing predictable routines and adapting the environment. Support should be individualised to the child’s needs.
Can CBT help children with ADHD?
NICE recommends considering CBT for young people with ADHD in particular circumstances, with work potentially addressing problem-solving, self-control, active listening, and dealing with and expressing feelings.
Why does my child with ADHD struggle to sleep?
Sleep difficulties are commonly reported in children and young people with ADHD and can have several contributing factors. A 2025 systematic review and meta-analysis found evidence of sleep dysregulation across multiple sleep domains in children with ADHD.
Final thoughts
Sometimes progress in therapy is measured using questionnaires and clinical outcome measures. Sometimes it arrives on a page of a child’s notebook in blue pen. Both matter.
For this young person, the most encouraging part is not simply that he knows the strategies. It is that he is increasingly using them for himself.
That is the progress we want to see.
If you are looking for support for your child, you can search verified, independent UK therapists by location, specialism and approach on The Therapist Finder.
References
- National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. (2018, updated 2019). Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: diagnosis and management (NICE Guideline NG87).
- Vacher, C., Goujon, A., Romo, L., & Purper-Ouakil, D. (2020). Efficacy of psychosocial interventions for children with ADHD and emotion dysregulation: a systematic review. Psychiatry Research, 291, 113151.
- Xian, P., Sheng, X., Liu, S., Liu, Z., & Guo, X. (2025). Sleep dysregulation in ADHD children: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Psychological Medicine.
By Jerri Prior. View profile.
